My Cup of Tea

It was a busy Monday pre noon, mostly we used to crave for a cup of tea to get relieved from the Monday morning blues but the tea boy who used to fetch us the elixir of that moment not yet arrived, heard someone shouting on the nos they have done on the conference floor, it’s usual every end of the month, they would show the pipeline and the funnel into target and would claim for the incentives, finally they would get settled in a cup of tea.

The pain erupted some where in the back of my spine two hours before crept silently and took the back of my neck spreading to the middle of my head unto the forehead and to my brows unable to open my eyes, it was all usual on a month end Monday. I spread my palm flat pressing it on my forehead as it was all over supporting to my head tracing through the hair with my finger tips searching for the exact place which was the root cause of my pain.

I used to boast myself of this self therapy and even tried with some of my colleague which was a failure, I believe this therapy can be applied only for me not to others. Some one asked me what the hell has happened to the tea vendor, I replied them back thrusting out my lower lip. I know it was unusual, the boy would turn up ever sharply, with a small grin on his face he would visit each and every one wishing them morning, sir tea!.

What he would get from this little bit of money working hard rising up early, buying milk from the local dairy, cycling hours to reach us, will he save to buy a home for himself, or he would get married, I wonder! Never had I thought of him so deep, it seems his absence has induced me to see the pros & cons of his livelihood.

How can he smile and greet every one showing ultimate affection to everyone for this meager income, again I get into his monetary part of his physical existence, I again wonder, will anybody show so much love to everyone being a tea vendor, I have admired his hygiene when ever he come to deliver us, on white shirts & dhoti, I even wondered how he maintains his attire with this low benefits of his business.

I heard footsteps crossing the lobby going out in search of good tea, its unusual scene in my history of my office we never had a lapse or absence of the tea vendor, as if the tea boy has stressed the importance of him by taking a day leave, I got irritated, I am not a person easily get provoked, but I am not in a temperament to hold my common sense, I murmured I would put this boy in place.

The peon came over running calling me I have a phone call, I was about to leave for a break, it was Murugan the tea vendor on the line, he was very apologetic, he said in a low voice that he is unable to come today please bear with the inconvenience. I asked what happened he said his mother was no more, and he broke, I don’t know what to say, he is such an wonderful guy, he never been late, anytime a smile on his face, not for money, the money he earn won’t do anything to change his life but simply can pay for his existence, he loves his profession, he loves us all, he believes his smile and his cup of tea soothes us and enlivens us, because he loves us more than anything. It stroked my mind he too has a mom and he has nothing done to her.

The Law of Equilibrium ( Love - Drive - Life)

Object of my poems which crowned me as a poet was a girl of twenty years who studied medicine, she wasn’t pretty to be selected for a model, she wasn’t so ugly a man would deny, she was normal. I was seriously settling my cash balance in the counter, she came in I didn’t notice, she asked me whether I can allot her two seats in the restaurant as it was crowded, even then I didn’t care about her features, nor I did saw her eyes, she came for billing, she let out the bill & cash, I handed over the balance, getting the cash she looked straight with her big eyes, I was stunned. Never I had seen a girl’s eye so close, so straight, big eyes, not like popping out, beautiful big eyes which I thought was lot of things should be transformed between us, conspired, communicated, adorable, laid down everything a combatant would bear geared in his robe, a total surrender.

I had written poems before, few friends used to ask me to write for some for their beloved, those times I would be very sincere, I never thought them as second or third person, I would ask necessary information about their beloved and work on that, mostly they were the best.

She started to come more often, my glances & her pretty big eyes clashed more often, from few conversations I came to know she was from south of my city, her father & mother settled in Middle East. I believed some how she understood I got attracted to her, she wasn’t a kind of talkative but dominative, I found she dominates her friends, wherever she goes she would be with friends, mostly not alone, she would be leading the group. I loved her traits, I loved her style, I loved her big eyes. I started to believe she is the best suit for me, I deserve her and she deserves me, I resolved to reveal the three words sentence.

I got up early resolved to open my secluded heart, I was expecting a right moment, right time to tell her how much I was attracted, how much I love her, and how much I would be honored if she accepts my love. She didn’t turn up, I thought it was the time of final examinations, I waited, I confirmed with some of her mates, yes it was she preparing for that year final exam. Days ran, weeks treaded, but that was the most sluggish days for me, since minutes rolled like days, no need to say the weeks, weeks rolled like years, I was busy writing poems for my beloved, expecting soon she would turn up, I would deliver my love, she would accept me or else little taken aback she would accept me, despite she might take time to consider, might come out with a positive outcome.

Two months strolled like two years; I assumed she might have gone to her native would be back when college resumes. I was ready to make a move once she turns up, I would blatantly say “I love her”.

The day came, ultimately she turned up, but she came with a huge set of friends in a old ambassador, a man in his early thirties accompanied her, it seems he was little rude with her, not seemingly considering she was with her friends that too in a public place, restaurant. She felt not bad with him, never she showed any sign of distrust, humiliation or irritation, I wondered, as usual I greeted her, I exclaimed how long it was we two met, I was curious, to let my eagerness, to reveal how I felt without her for two long months as if two years, I was disturbed since she turned up with such a huge crowd and with a man who don’t even know how to behave in public. She seemed to have understood what I was thinking about, she leaned forward, gave me a sign to come near to her, I was eager, I went near her, she apologized, she didn’t inform me prior of her wedding, she told the arrogant man on her side with constant nagging is her husband, wedded a week ago in her native.

I was thrown aback, I stumbled, I got to understand the reality, that irrational, half irritated bug who accompanied her was her husband, I never understood the reason behind the dark sides of nature, do any one expect a girl with most poignant nature, most dominative with her friends, but soft spoken, lovely, compassionate would dare to accept a quite rough nature bug as her partner, was it suppose to be like that?, should we accept this? A fate. I greeted him shaking his hand showing my cordiality, he seems to be not interested accepting my greetings, I began to realize the fact, reality, I have always thought of a cup and saucer, it’s an anecdote for a husband & wife relationship, unless the saucer is wide enough, will it enable the cup to sit on it’s chest, so there is difference, difference in shape, attributes, the difference make the cup & saucer to fit to each other, difference is the balance, difference contributes the equilibrium.

I felt, I had unburden a heavy sack which was too heavy for me for all these days, which made me a crook for myself, I was happy getting relieved from, but the sad part was I have lost my drive, the object of my poem was lost, suddenly I lost my drive to create poem of that sort. I dropped writing for a whole year, I never thought of writing anything. I really worried loosing my drive and not my love!.

The Destiny - Journey to Pearl Island

I waded through water on barefoot. The soft silt reminds of a similar occasion twenty years before. Descending of back waters at that hour, flapping of wings of seagulls at the small patch of island formed by the tide always excited me. I let out a heavy sigh; it has been sixteen months since I came to this city. The city had been once a French colony, city was well planned, streets, court, church, all still holds the traces of the French, remnants of French monuments still carries memories of French rule. I love the city, I love its people, I can say the people live here is pride for their ancestral colonial rule unlike people under British colonists. I can observe a sense of uniqueness, unity among them which made me love them.

I work as a manager for a business project, I need to start as early at seven every morning, and have to get down at about eleven every night, I was confronting new obstacles which were mind-blowing, new varied learning which took me to the next level of my career but the consequences were I am loosing peace & I am increasingly tilting towards quitting.

I took breaks, but the break does not include trying out with a stiff drink getting relaxed chatting with a good old friend of mine since it’s new place for me I don’t have friends. Obliviously my employer or my colleagues were not in a position taking breaks helping me out to drive away my frustration. The real reason for my frustration is not alone my prolonged work hours but increasingly I started to feel this is not the one which I am dreaming about. Eventually I needed a break to understand what I am looking for and how to go for it or where to get it.

I woke up early morning even before the sun starts its duty, informed my employer I am going for a break, asked him to manage with my colleague whom I have taught him my work how to manage our clients and how to answer the question where I have gone & when I will return. He was surprised first then convinced there is no way other than that. I drew 50,000 bucks cash from vending machine set out for my dream to get materialize.

It was two hours journey on a motor boat to the island east of the city, I have hired a motor boat for two thousand to drop me, I am not certain when will I return, I have said the boat driver not to wait for me he can make a move if anybody else calls him up, but mostly nobody else know the island since it is sparsely populated and of less importance due to lack of sight seeing for tourists. The voyage to the island was smooth in the early morning, no rough waves it was as smooth with morning breeze, it was heaven when you feel the morning breeze on a smooth sea. The boat driver switched off the motor as we neared the small harbor where few fishing boats were resting after weeks long fishing expedition.

I stepped out of the dancing boat fearing of loosing the balance, it was as though I have entered into a fishing hamlet, smell of fresh fish drilled my nostrils, to be frank I love this exuberant fragrance where most people reject as foul smell, to me from my childhood I have been with this, smell of greenish pond, smell of fresh fish, even the smell reminds me of my past life my life style my nativity. I can see the French church built on the 17th century which stood with clocks on the four sides of the tower. I found out a place with the fisher men boats to rest for a while.

I started towards the church, priest will guide me to the pearl market which is in the other edge of the island, I have been a writer since ten years, if I need to settle down as a professional I need to quit the jobs I have been doing so far for my bread, if it is so I need real money not the money I earn now, it should be well enough to satisfy my needs for at least an year.

Priest welcomed me in, he was not seen with the white robe as most of the catholic priests, even when I came last time he was in casual attire, he told the vehicle is ready to carry us both to the market. Our vehicle is an old Austin, it should be fed with petrol from the main city once in a week the boat drivers will get him when they buy diesel for their motor boats. It took fifty minutes to reach the pearl market because of uneven rough roads, steep & deep trough if we are not careful it would lead to a mishap. I can see palm groves which are like natives of the island all over.

Pearl market was not at all like what I have thought, it is a fishing hamlet, most of them are fishermen, few people do deep sea diving to get pearls, I can see few outsiders few French people, priest lead me to a low hut, fish being dried on both sides of the entrance, the man in his early thirties welcomed us in, there was a lamp kept aside, he showed a jute carpet to sit for both of us, he opened up a box like structure which was hand made using palm leaves kept in front of him, it contained a dirty cloth like what we use as waste to clean, something been folded inside, opening up he showed me a handful of pearls, white and black pearls shining!.

Return to the main city did not take me long as I felt coming to island in the morning, I was tired and wanted to sleep as there is no tomorrow, I took a taxi on the way home, slept till the room boy buzzed the calling bell next day for breakfast. I got my head swirl with ache and dizziness I don’t want to get up similarly I don’t want to lay down as I have to do lot of works, I went straight to shower had a wonderful bath under the Jacuzzi until the yesterday’s dirt & stress fly out of my physique, I still had my head swirl with ache, I know the bar would not be opened so early, I called up the room service and ordered a full scotch with ice, that would alone relieve the ache from my head.

Three rounds of larges took away my stress, had my head float in sky, ate the breakfast called up one of my associate and friend of mine to turn up tonight for the bar and went to bed.

At about six Stevenson turned up, the guy whom I am waiting for who accompanies me in tough times. We went downstairs, underground bar, It was a dark dim lit space, sporadic tables, smoke all around, kind of damp, smell of moisture in air; we took a corner space we used to do almost usually and our usual brand whisky, It would taste biscuit; we both love the typical taste of biscuit when drunk with ice cubes. Waiter came with a bottle of whisky; we ordered a pack of cigarettes which we usually would get from outside today by mistake we forgot to do that, no way of getting out to buy since it is raining heavily. We started to pour two larges; dark brown liquid flooded provoking us to sip it soon. Steve took his glass and made a soft bang on my glass with cheers.

Steve is a closest friend of mine, he was a quite simple, lean, tall, wheatish, without mustache like a guy from north India, he was as simple like a school boy, passive, friendly, lovable, I admired him, at that time I didn’t know he was going to be a passionate friend of mine, and he was going to be ever a green memory all my life. We finished that bottle completely in two hours, two hours we spoke we spoke, joked, laughed, and we shared innumerous ideas, jotted down till we felt it’s over for that evening. My body ached like hell since I started practicing Martial arts after a week long break, the red fluid worked well making my pain dilute, relieving the physical stress in seconds, a good sleep would get me back to normal.

Steve called up some of his contacts in the market he knows whom to go how to sell the white & black precious, for the best price, since it’s going to help me out for the next year completely without doing my usual job of being a manager in my present project and let me concentrate dedicatedly in my most inspired profession writing.

The next day morning I was ready finishing breakfast as early as ever, Steve called me to my mobile, I went downstairs, Steve was waiting, he was waiting with a latest model ford, we went to a vendor, he grabbed a handful poured down to the dirty cloth, then he picked up a small lens from his side took the pearls near to his eyes visioning with the lens not satisfied he took another lens which is relatively small than the before, he summoned someone from inside he too took his turn scrutinizing, he too not satisfied asked me how much I gave for them, in a business I can not say the exact prize since the people before me are my buyers, obviously I expect a double of the money I invested. I delayed not replying, he said the pearls which I have brought are all duplicates!!!

I felt always my esteem is high, not tolerated a simple spec to go against me, it found me a person of high priorities, when ever it is little low I felt guilt flow down & sink me unable to breathe to survive. I felt this is not the one I yearn for, I should be of tough skinny, bearable off, but I wasn’t aware I am going to be having hard times ever.

Steve gave me support, he said, let us again go for the pearl island find out the person, resolve the issue, but I was certain, it would not be like that, priest came with me, he was a person of high authority in the island, never would they fool him. I said him let we go and get opinion from some one who’s friendly towards us. Steve thought for a while, he started calling somewhere, and was busy for the next half an hour.

For the first time I felt I am alone, all around me, the priest, Steve every one have left me, I stood up, went to the corner of the room, window was open, strong cool breeze flowing inside, I can see the wide ocean at the distance with tiny white waves coming to shore. Never the priest will do me bad, and Steve the dearest friend of mine would never go against me, I know I am frustrated, I am worried, I want money to pursue my profession with no hindrance, money should not be a constraint when I concentrate on my work. I let out a sigh; the sigh gave me relief like I have laid down half of my weight.

Steve finished up, we started to walk leaving the car, Steve took me to the end of the road, road ends there, no way ahead, he turned right in a small narrow passage, we went through, it extended for hundred yards both side buildings, there was a small narrow stair which went steep above, we climbed up, it was risky holding the rails, at the top he tapped a old wooden door painted green, we heard footsteps, it was a woman, she showed the way to go inside, we both went inside, it was like a terrace, a room in the corner like a pent house, we went to the room, a bald Indian, fair of complexion greeted us, asked us to sit in the sofa, we sat, what’s going to be next fearing.

The bald Indian opened up the untidy cloth carefully, he spread up the cloth in the table before him, took the lens prodded over the pearls for five minutes, he then raised his head, he was not uncertain like the vendor whom we met before and had asked his partner to have a look, he clearly stated in a firm voice, they were duplicates.

This time I was deeply worried, I got frustrated like even before, I was in a fury, I took bundling up the untidy cloth threw to floor dejected, amounting to anger, the cloth with the duplicate pearls splashed to the floor thudding spreading all over the floor, few broken, opening up, glittering like crystal hard substance inside, I knelt down, picked up a broken duplicate which was glittering, I just raised to near my eyes, showing it to the light which came from the window aside not knowing what is it, the bald Indian took it from me started analyzing like a researcher again with his lens, his fair complexion in that day light started turning red, his temples glowing red brightening up, he smiled asked to pick up all the pearls splashed in the floor, I knelt down to pick, already Steven has started pick, he examined all the pearls some broken, some not broken, he exclaimed all of them were diamonds, that too first quality diamonds.

Mohan - From my diary

The way to my room was a narrow corridor from the main hall extended towards the kitchen, corridor had a jolly work on one side through out till the room with holes & design, I stayed in the first floor, I would see the terrace which was always shady due to the goose berry tree spreading it’s branches over the terrace, my room had a window which too gave a complete look of the terrace, and huge opening opposite to the window, double size of the window, with an iron grill, I used a thick cotton screen to close the opening partially, my room had double doors one from the corridor and the other with a door, having a sit-out like a small balcony.

I loved my room, since I would see everything completely sitting there, but none can find me watching, I used to sleep there, whenever I need privacy I would steal few hours resting feeling comfortable, it gave me safe secure and privacy. I would hear people chatting on the road, I would see the opposite house, I had rented the first floor of the opposite house too, owner of the house stayed in the ground floor.

I am a person who always like to be in the crowd, with friends or with my family or with my colleagues in the work place, mostly wrangling, commenting, sharing, mentoring, and being assisted, but end of the day I would sneak at least half an hour to be myself, to get inside, as an introvert, being passive, it always gave me a sense I am alive, and I too have needs.

I stretched myself thrusting my legs comfortably, it was half past midnight, silence prevailed everywhere, pin drop silence, air was still, I was not able to sleep, and it was a sleepless night like most of my nights encroached with deep thinking.

I blinked in the dark, it appeared as a black tainted heavy sheath covering my existence, few feeble white spots smeared, I don’t want to stare at the dark black instead I try to link the feeble white smeared spots to relate one to one. My past resembles the dark sheath & the white spots are my feeble memory. It’s like a disappeared past, I accept the dark past, I am not anxious about the forgotten past, nor I try to remember but I feel if I resume it would be of greater interest. I have a self thought; I allow it might have originated from my forgotten past, the self thought explains I have spent my disappeared past in the most inordinate way of existence and the white spots are my flaws which I try to cover up with utmost intense of forgetting, veiling.

When I first saw Mohan he was playing with a Pomeranian dog, taking him for a brief walk, he was reserved, not a talkative or an outspoken but a shy and hesitant person, he was skinny, with a round spectacles. I heard he was studying aeronautical engineering and he discontinued his studies due to the sudden demise of his father a doctor by profession. He was a bachelor, his brother was married and got settled near by, claiming his share of the family property his brother would often start a wrangle with his sister family and with Mohan. The property was unseparated, Mohan’s brother urged for a separation. I would often hear noise of verbal fight from the opposite house from my room.

One evening I was resting in my room as usual, the verbal war started from the opposite house, I could hear voice of Mohan, he was frustrated, he said he would die if nobody likes him there, I wondered why these people were unable to sort out differences, after all this is going to be one life, one living, what is the rest they are going to do ? I assumed people are patience less, they loose hope, they often get tired, not rejuvenating, people are greedy too, Mohan is a good guy, he has fallen prey for the greedy and selfish people. I slipped to tiresome sleep out of day long work.

Next afternoon I returned home little early than the usual time, got into my sweat pants which I used to wear while at home, cool cotton pants, had my face washed, getting the towel from the wardrobe wiping my face, heard the door bell rung, I opened the door, Mohan was there, I was surprised, he said someone asked him to meet me, that I wanted him to talk to me. I was equally surprised I have not told anyone, I was not prepared, I did not know how to react! I said I did not tell anyone, I could see clear indication of disapproval in his face, but what I could do, I am frightened of his family members, all of them were my friends, if in any case they accuse me off misleading Mohan in the ongoing clash for the family property, I would loose my reputation, I did not want to mingle and get hurt, I was firm, I said I did not ask anyone to summon him to meet me.

For the next couple of days mostly I was tired getting home after executing heavy work load, sleeping, rising up early the next morning, and getting out to work, happened to be my routine. But for the Saturday, Sunday weekends I used to get up late little before breakfast. Since it was Saturday I was sleeping till morning 9.30, I started hearing noise from the opposite house, it was Mohan's brother in law, as usual he got boozed in morning itself, I rolled in my couch unbearable to continue my sleep. I knew sleeping further would not do any good to me, I got up, washed my face, got a wrinkled cotton shirt from the wardrobe, wearing, I went down to know what’s happening down in the opposite house.

Mohan’s brother in law was standing in front of the door, tapping, pushing the door which was locked from inside, he was unable to stand, his language unable to understand as he was drunk, I could hear him saying Mohan is inside and have taken a poison, in disbelief I asked what he mean, he said Mohan has consumed poison and is struggling for life, I did know what to do, I kept my eye in the key hole to see what’s going on, yes it was true, Mohan is struggling for life flat on the floor, kicking his legs of the last minute to survive. I was shocked!

Normally in times of emergency and tight corners, I would think for few seconds, that few seconds of realization of reality gave me strength to react to the emergency. I banged the door, it was so stubborn, I ran from a meter ahead banging by my shoulders, no way, I searched for a tool to break open, I remembered we had a long thick iron rod which we use to crush & grind paddy and grains, I took that broke the door open, Mohan was in the last seconds of life, I picked him up with help of his boozed brother in law, someone have summoned a private ambulance, but Mohan was no more, he was dead.

I felt guilt, I leaned on the wall, I could smell the strong odor of poison he consumed, I was tired, I left for home, had a bath, even after, still I perceived the poison odor at my nose, I was tired, this was not physical, I was tired due to guilt, I felt I have done a mistake, when Mohan came to me to talk to me, I should have talked to him, I was disgraced of my own conscience, before my eyes I lost a man, a good man, who had dreams which were hard for him to materialize, I lost the man who was expecting me to redeem him from his unfulfilled longings of life. I was sick, I was bedridden for four months since the demise of Mohan, I recovered, but still Mohan lives in my heart and he would live for ever.