Sandiyagu was an army man, who was proud to call himself a soldier. Our friendship budded & blossomed while practicing martial arts, unarmed combat, later armed, especially swords. His physique, arms, legs were rough, strong like steel which is not a bit of exaggeration, since when we fought I would feel the pain while defending his blows or when he defends mine, mostly I would exclaim how he is such as made of steel, of all the valor, courage he was bestowed with, one such contrary to that was his voice, which was whiny, like a little female child. Sandiyagu was equally capable of designing his own arms, catapult, bow & arrow, swords & knives, he would bet, within an hour he would make arms and use against the enemy in a synchronized fashion. I was amazed of his ability. He was killed by some unknown miscreants two years before, I dedicate this note on his remembrance, his experience in counter insurgency in Assam and as a soldier of IPKF tackling the Liberation Tigers in their homeland Eelam.
I can't guess when I started the fascination for the green faded camouflage army uniform, broad hip belt, rugged boots, the wooden butt, chamber, magazine, and the aperture made out of gun metal, I would scrap the nozzle down my cheek to feel the coldness of the metal, I would smell the burnt out chemical with a slight inhale after a fire, those days I had a electronic sound creator attached to key chain, when pressed the button, would sound the like the firing of automatic rifle, blast of a grenade, mortar fire, shrapnel, missile sounds, which was a music to me. I am an army man, I ever yearned to be one, I know the tirade of training, I have watched, I even mingled & participated, later when I started practicing martial arts, training undergone was tremendous, indeed gruesome, beyond the combat techniques, assault & defense, we mostly concentrated on pain tolerance, pain tolerance session is the one where guys runaway & never return back, I know, I had felt unbearable pain, when the ten kilogram rod being rolled over the shin, when medicine ball being dropped on my abdomen, when my legs been stretched apart one leg tied up, hitting the tree bark with the forehead, most of us screamed while been slapped by the rest on the bare back and chest.
It was half past midnight, the sky bears unusual calm, not even a slight wind, I don't find anybody awake in my battalion, its better to say I can't sleep rather saying I don't, it's been a week we arrived this unknown place in this known island, I hate these politicians, they decide their own, not even considering the member of houses, no debate, no considerations or resolutions, but the task fells on the military machine which is run by a bunch of unpractical leaders, who have no rights to render their views or to debate the issue, and they lack social conscience too.
The flight on the army chopper last week from the main land in the high winds experienced heavy turbulence, for me taking the flight through army chopper is the second time, previously we were taken to Assam to confront the ULFA militants, and we succeeded partially downsizing the count of militants. I escaped narrowly in two attempts when they opened up fire in the market clandestinely, I was thrown fifteen feet away when the bullet hit my heel of my army boots and escaped unhurt, second attempt was an ambush by the guerrillas, bullet flew hitting my iron helmet with screeching ting sound, I felt my blood freeze in shock.
I understand life is not easy for an army soldier like me confronting jungle trained guerrillas, especially with people support wearing no army fatigue instead clad with local outfits safely concealing the AK 47 sophisticated assault rifles inside long clung cloak, indeed I believed its easy to confront the liberation tigers in this new landscape since they are clearly visible clad with distinguishable combat camouflage with a conventional army, couple of days ago when I met with the local tiger leaders they were particularly concerned about me hence I am a Tamil, we exchanged greetings, we wished each other, we both felt as if two brothers both side in the war front, me a paid mercenary and on the other side my brethren for his land, its like Mahabharata, me like Karna, and the other side the five brothers, our meeting was emotional heart touching sentimental, they insisted me to wear the cap reversely with the flap behind to identify so they would serve a soft approach on my side and asked me to convey the message to Tamils in my battalion, but I know the war with tigers would not going to end.
Back to my earlier memory, we were sitting waiting for the class to resume in between the change over of teachers & subjects, unlike most of the usual study hours, that day turned to be unusual chaos, murmuring, and a sense of insecurity, mostly those days we were anxious of Skylab the one which was utilized for space research and left uncared, which was supposed to fall on our heads and later fell in Indian Ocean, and we would worry about the Pakistanis would strike our border, but this time it was a different take over, it was the riots been unleashed on the unarmed Tamil civilians in the nearby island Lanka, when boards were found Tamils meat sold, Tamils were burnt using Tyres tied to their corpses and alive, being tortured, raped & killed in masses, it was the year 1983 of July. The embarrassing uneasiness spread across, it was an emotional turmoil, it was a sense of inability, people were found on streets almost lifeless, we took to the streets hailing black flags, it was a mourning walk, it was a protest procession, it was a wake up call to the humanity, to the world, I really felt helpless but really I felt completely dead pointing my SLR(self loading rifle) to the same people for whom I shed my tears.
Morning dawned with a cold humidity in air, chillness reminded of the days in Assam countering the insurgency, the Tamils homeland was eighty percent of green vegetation mostly of jungle, so the tigers were experts of jungle & urban warfare making them standout in front providing basis for Tamils national question. Sinhalese intention was to break the Tamils military might and marginalize their political power to bargain dragged Indian intervention inside as peace keeping force, another version of truth was India's intervention was a decade old plan to pose as Asia's super power dominating & establishing its terrain, whatever would be the resultant outcome,the idea was disastrous.
I heard fellow Tamil soldiers being worried of some north Indians soldiers have involved in a mass rape & torture in desolated Tamil areas, the news made our heart soaked in blood, and then & then we started hearing rape, loot, arson and murder, sexual harassment in search outs. Message came there would be a major offensive with the Tigers base tonight where heavy armored artilleries would accompany us, that would be better defending us when going offensive with Tigers. We had a heavy setback underestimating the Tigers on the first assault in urban Jaffna, our paratroopers were shot in the air, our front line offensive soldiers were all killed, death toll was heavy, we didn't expect this, we realized we were trapped in a helpless situation, we understood the need of understanding the "Modus Operandi" documented by the Sinhalese which is of no use winning over the Tigers but would help to confront them in better light.
We were ready at 2 for the offensive, two pickup trucks were loaded with soldiers, I was ready loading my SLR with magazine, thousand five hundred rounds of ammunition, eight hand grenades, bread packets, biscuits & water all packed in a kit bag, four of our T-72 battle tanks ready to move on, we started for a fifteen kilometer travel towards the Tigers base. The road was bumpy moreover we were treading our steps for land-mines four of our battle tanks leading front, two pickup trucks in the back, it was 30 minutes from the start, hardly we would have covered some five kilometers, we had been encountered with enemy assault, it was mortar fire which made us to dislodge ourselves from the pick up truck to take position behind the battle tanks, we started moving firing the enemy position, we were fired from the other side I started to feel we had been trapped, we were unable to move forward, our soldiers begun to get killed, my army commandant ordered strictly to move forward crawling abandoning the pick up trucks & battle tanks, when we were hit from the two sides no way of being taking up trucks and tanks, only have to crawl, we dug the earth using the tiffen boxes which is made out of stainless steel and buried the dead soldiers, then started moving, its beginning to dawn, four hours of fierce fighting crawling towards the enemy position nothing left behind us, only four of us alive out of sixty four soldiers from the two pick up trucks, I was frustrated, I don't know till now why we were there, why we fought the Tigers, frustration causes depression, frustration and depression can be caused for simple reasons, but my reason is genuine, without knowing who's going to be our enemy till the last second of starting the war with no reason of being an enemy with the Tigers disagreeing with them refusing the autonomy of Tamil people in their homeland, will it make sense? Still I don't know why we fought the aggressive war.
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